The changing plan
“The fact that everything didn’t go precisely to plan was precisely the plan.” These were Albus Dumbledore’s words to his companions at the end of their plot to thwart the wizard Gellert Grindelwald’s rise to power in the 2022 film Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore.
I love the wisdom of wizards, Dumbledore and Gandalf being my favorite. (Johnny Depp’s performance as Grindenwald in the earlier Fantastic Beasts movies was spectacular, but Mads Mikkelsen is also devilishly villainous in the new one.)
In this film, things seem to go wrong in the plan to prevent the powerful and ruthless wizard Grindelwald from destroying both the Muggle and Wizarding worlds. But the younger Dumbledore (played superbly by a dashing Jude Law) and his collaborators stick to the plan as it takes them to unexpected places until they reach an outcome that …I won’t divulge – just watch the movie.
Shifting sands
We’ve all had those types of plans. Frankly, I can’t say that any of my life plans went according to plan. Some, for sure, turned out better than expected through interesting and unexpected twists and turns. Others fell through dramatically, causing me to scramble and change course as I moved into new territory. When I left a comfortable life and teaching career in Kenya for the unknown in America, made a midlife change from educator to psychotherapist, started my private practice and family later in life, was I really following a plan? It felt more like I was feeling my way into greater expansion and freedom, then walking through open doors and saying yes to what showed up that matched that.
Emotional goals – what it would feel and look like to have more joy, clarity, autonomy in my life – are easier for me to define than instrumental goals. I admit I’m not one of those people who knew what they wanted to be when they were 12…or 21…or 33. I’ve been making it up as I go along, choosing what makes me come alive and keeps the juices flowing. Which changes at least every decade. For some, this can feel disruptive and panic-inducing. Yet for me, it has brought me to this point, where I’m doing what I love, surrounded by people I care about, in a country that has become my second home. I couldn’t have envisioned this iteration of my life quite like this, and I appreciate how things have turned out. I’d have it no other way.
Structured or spontaneous?
How good are you at making plans and sticking to them? Or shifting gears and direction when change happens? Can you go with the flow, or do you get bent out of shape when things go wrong?
The MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) personality assessment distinguishes between Judging (J) and Perceiving (P) dimensions. These labels can be confusing because in the MBTI, Judging does not mean “judgmental” or “discerning”, nor does Perceiving mean a person is “perceptive”. Loosely speaking, Judging types prefer scheduled and organized lives while the Perceiving types are more spontaneous and tend to be flexible with their plans, leaving room for last minute changes.
And because this is a continuum, there’s a wide range of possibilities along this scale. In their extremes, the need for structure in Js can make them appear to be “control freaks”, while the flexible and spontaneous Ps can become chronic procrastinators, agonizing over every small decision and earning themselves labels like “loosey goosey”, “flaky” or “squirly”.
The first time I did the MBTI in my early thirties, I scored much higher on P than J. No surprise there. In more recent years however, my J score has increased and I find I’m favoring more structure in my life. I depend on my established routines and habits: my daily meditation and yoga practice centers me, my to-do list orients me, my calendar keeps me organized and efficient. I’m more deliberate about everything: meals, sleep, family, friendships. My time means everything to me. I’m less torn about making decisions, no longer waiting until the last hand-wringing minute when the deadline is upon me to make snap judgments that leave me scratching my head later.
Trust yourself
Here’s the biggest change in my position on the J/P scale: I spare myself the agony of ambivalence and make the best decision I can with the present data, realizing that I cannot possibly factor in all the probabilities and permutations in every given situation. Make the decision, then make it right. Boom, done. Saves me a lot of mental energy that I can now use elsewhere. I try not to be rigid about it and when possible I do leave some space for other options, which thankfully means that my P function is still alive and well.
I’m learning to trust myself, others and the universe more. When mistakes show up, I trust that I can figure out what to do and course correct where possible. Proof: I’m still here, still (mostly) sane and in one piece. In this mad world, that’s nothing to sneeze at.
Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash